I tried to play it off cool. I said my gallbladder was 'stoned, man'. I joked it was caused by all the wild times I had in college. But the reality of the matter slapped me in the face. I am now 49 and my gallbladder has decided to riot against me, so after several sleepless nights spent sitting on the couch in pain, I had to banish that enraged organ from my body.
Bestie came to the rescue and forced me to go to our family doctor who then referred me to a specialist who then said, "Surgery!" The doctor was named Osam, but pronounced AWESOME. How could I not have a great experience with a doctor named Awesome??
So I head in to the hospital after not eating or drinking since midnight. Surgery is scheduled for 12:30 p.m. and they start all the required pre-surgery mumbo jumbo. I change out of my clothes into the designer hospital gown provided and experience the refreshing breeze up my backside since these gowns are designed for minimum coverage of the booty. Why did I even worry about what underwear I wore to the hospital? All anyone saw was the gown, which I must say was NOT in my color scheme.
My veins are small because I am now dehydrated so they blow out a vein in my hand before going for the big one in my arm. Ok, IV finally in, check. Now we need a blood thinner to guard against blood clots (old person now, remember?). The blood thinner can't go in the IV. It has to go in the fat of either the tricep or inner thigh and stings likes a hornet. At least I have plenty of fat in both those areas for the nurse to use for her evil deeds and who doesn't love a hornet sting every now and then?? Blood thinner done, check.
Now let's add insult to injury. Since it is in my records that I vomited ONE TIME while under anesthesia I now have to take anti-nausea medicine. This medicine actually makes me nauseous! Another shot and a patch behind my ear and I am dizzy and sick to my stomach and not enjoying my hospital visit anymore. Is it too late to just go home? Nausea medicine administered, patient now ill, check.
Bestie was the perfect nurse. He talked on the phone, read seed guides, answered emails all while telling me I would be fine and giving me cool cloths for my head. Finally the nurse came in with a sedative and I could have kissed her. Where was this magic potion 1 hour ago?? Sedate me THEN do your evil deeds. Why torture me first? Now seeing Easter Bunny talking with the Tooth Fairy, high as a kite, check.
A ride down the hall, a few deep breaths in the oxygen mask and the next thing I know I wake up in recovery to loud noises and lots of pain. Morphine!!! Now!!! Thank you, Janene. You morphine goddess. You sweet angel of mercy. My new best friend. Keep the pain killers coming and no one gets hurt.
I only had four small poke holes - 1 at my belly button (goodbye belly button ring), 1 just below my sternum, and 2 under my right breast. Amazing they can pull an organ out such a small opening. Amazing that such small openings can cause such a disruption to your daily life!
So now I am gallbladder free and as sore as a boxer who has taken one too many body blows. The kiddos have gone back to college and Bestie is taking advantage of the good weather to ride his bike non-stop so I am enjoying the lovely weather while wrapped in a blanket in my backyard as I focus on not laughing or doing anything that causes my belly muscles to contract (coughing, sneezing, getting up and down, turning over in bed, etc.). Just another indication of getting older but also of getting wiser. I don't HAVE to be out running or biking right now. I do HAVE to listen to my body saying, "Hold on little missy. You are NOT ready to do THAT yet."
I have time to enjoy just being me and looking at this recuperation time as an opportunity to enjoy life at a slower pace as I readjust back to life with an empty nest - oh, and a missing gallbladder.
